Power Struggle

So often we feel as if we know best, especially when it comes to our own lives. If you are anything like me you love to have an active plan, something to work towards and check off your list. This has specifically become evident in my life over the last year and a half. For about the last 18 months I have been trying to secure internships to complete my degrees at Lincoln. Each time I would dream of a place and begin making plans it seems like something fell through. I worked hard on finding a place to do these internships but despite my hard work, I was left with uncertainty and stress. I cannot begin to comprehend all that went into these situational collapses. Here is the list of places I thought I would have ended up or could have easily landed for my internships. A camp in Southern California; 3 different churches in Las Vegas and one of those churches I had two different opportunities so a total of 4 there; Dallas, Texas; Indianapolis, Indiana; two different churches in Bloomington, IL; and one church in Lincoln, IL. I put a lot of time and energy into these plans of mine. Over time in my life I have found that God lets me make plans and ideas for my life and then simply nudges me out of the way and shows me what he has in store. I never would have guessed I would do one internship in Mt. Vernon and the other one in Marion. My internship at UMCH in Mt. Vernon was everything I needed it to be. I have been in Marion for 4 1/2 weeks and already sense this is a place God has placed me in. I am not far from my family, see my local friends often and am surrounded by incredible coworkers who support me every day. God did not do any of this on my timing, I would have liked to have it all secured a long time ago. Instead he showed me that he is the one in control, not me. He has to remind me of that more than I'd like but each time I step back and begin to thank him for the incredible work he does and how he takes care of me.

If you are like me and struggle to give over control of your life plans, trust me that God's plans are far better than anything we can dream up. I thought I would be in the bright lights of Las Vegas or Dallas and be having the time of my life but instead I am in Marion and growing in just the way I need to. Although it may be scary to give up what we think is best for us, God will always have our best interest in mind and place where we should be if we just let him.

Beautiful Disaster by Jon McLaughlin

Love this song because of the heart behind it. So many people are not happy with who they are. People want to change to be something else because they feel they are not good enough as a person. So many people have self-image problems and would do anything to make themselves feel better. This song speaks about being confident in who you are and not worrying about changing for others. My favorite line in the song is: "She's just the way she is but no one's told her that's okay"

Remember Me?

Last week I had a discussion with some people over an interesting topic. The question was, "what makes a man?" In true stereotype fashion things came up such as; being good with cars, the value of being big and strong, & hiding your feelings. Hmmm...well, I'm 0-3. I don't know the slightest thing about cars, I weigh 130 lbs. on a good day, and I've developed into a person who has no problem expressing emotions. So I begin thinking...What kind of man legacy am I leaving? By the stereotype definition I completely suck as a "man". Part of this is due to genetics. I graduated high school at 5'8, 108 lbs, and 1.7 % body fat. Being big and strong is out of the question. But what if there is more to it than knowing how to fix a car or being able to bench press 250 lbs.? I will never be remembered for being the stereotypical man, it just will not happen and part of that is by choice...

Here is what I hope to be remembered by: I want to really make a difference. I'm not sure if it will be in the church or in the counseling world but a difference will be made. It could be through my teaching/preaching skills or listening; either way I don't care as long as it happens. Relationships are the most important thing. Bigger than sports, school, or whatever else you could throw in there because your relationships are the only things that will matter down the road. 20 years from know I won't care about my GPA or my batting average, I will be focused on rasing a family and being with my wife because those things far outlast anything else. The bottom line is I would rather be remembered for loving the people closest to me than pride myself on being a "man".

So I don't act all that manly, but that's fine with me because I know who I am and I'm not going to try to be someone else. I just can't. I will give absolutely everything I have to those closest to me...hopefully that is enough.

Beauty Commercial

Beautiful

Despite our best efforts we seem to fall into traps, agree? I was driving to Carbondale tonight and as I was scanning radio stations I came across a Christian song that came out when I was in high school. The song was Beautiful by Bethany Dillon. Now, I do not listen to tons of Christian music but this song is just so gripping that I cannot seem to turn away from it whenever I hear it. The reason I cannot pry myself away from the song is because it speaks to every single individual who has ever lived. Body image and the way we perceive ourselves is so prominent in our culture. In a moment of honesty you would admit that there has been a time where you have really struggled with the way you look and feel. Some of us are in the midst of that struggle this very minute.

Here are some very honest lyrics from Bethany Dillon:

I was so unique
Now I feel skin deep
I count on the make-up to cover it all
Crying myself to sleep cause I cannot keep their attention
I thought I could be strong
But it's killing me

Does someone hear my cry?
I'm dying for new life

[Chorus]
I want to be beautiful
Make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart,
and be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
Just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful

Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me
Fighting to make the mirror happy
Trying to find whatever is missing
Won't you help me back to glory

[Chorus]

You make me beautiful
You make me stand in awe
You step inside my heart, and I am amazed
I love to hear You say
Who I am is quite enough
You make me worthy of love and beautiful

For those who are currently struggling with this you should first know that you are not alone. So often we allow Satan to deceive us and believe we are the only ones who struggle with similar things. You are not alone. Hear me again, you are not alone! People all over the world are struggling with how they look, they range from the age of 5-65. Personally, I'm willing to admit that my biggest insecurity has to do with physical appearance. It saddens me to see girls all over the place with such low self-esteem and self-worth. It honestly eats away at me. Girls have so much pressure to look a certain way, dress a certain way, carry themselves in a certain way, etc. I'm exhausted just thinking about it. Doesn't it just get exhausting? I mean honestly, when you consume yourself with how you look and whether or not you can eat that certain food because you will gain five pounds, do you not eventually crumble and break down from all the stress? Of course.

Guys are definitely not exempt from this struggle. There is a lie that has tripped up young men and caused them to believe they have to be ripped with a 6 pack and muscles popping out of their shirt. The truth is, most of us do not look this way. Are we any less of a person or human being? Absolutely not. Both men and women feel like they are not worthy of being loved when in reality God is the one who determines our worth. We have been created in God's image and looked at as the best of all creation. He loves us with a love that is far beyond our comprehension and yet we still doubt that we are good enough. On our own we are not good enough, but through Christ we have been redeemed and are wonderful people made in the image of Christ and God loves us more than we'll ever realize. God loves us whether we have large muscles or below-averaged sized ones like me (don't laugh). God loves you whether you have blond or red hair or your fill in the blank struggle.

The hardest part of the song for me to swallow is the part where Bethany states she wishes she was someone other than herself. God does not want us to wish to be someone else. He has created us all unique with different gifts and abilities and looks. There is a reason there is no one else like you in this world. You are just as important as everyone else in this world. Find strength and comfort in knowing that God who created you just the way you are and loves you so much and you are far more beautiful than you can imagine.